Wave goodbye to your UK pals, take your country to the dogs, make all your pies and chips cost a fortune, never have a good job again, get invaded by anyone with a shotgun, and have to use the Bolivian Kip as your currency.
-- or --
Delight all the effing Tories, get bossed around for the next 300 years by a bunch of patronising tossers in Westminster, be laughed at by bankers, and suck up policies designed to screw you and fatten up rich Southerners.
My new e-book, 50 Ways to Get Amazon to Pay
More Tax, is available on the Kindle, Amazon’s own e-reader (as well as other readers and formats).
Yes, a bit cheeky to publish on the Kindle But if
the book does well, they might pay a bit more tax. Maybe.
Many of the 50 ideas in the book refer to
Amazon’s treatment of its warehouse workers, whose toilet breaks are limited
and timed; I suggest applying similar rules to shareholder
meetings. Other thoughts focus on Amazon's steady march towards becoming the
biggest retailer on Earth.
Toilets and world
domination - always good for a laugh.
There are various suggestions for “consumer disobedience” and other ways to solve the tax issue:
dressing up as a tax
inspector and hanging around Amazon’s offices,
incentivising them by
re-naming the river Trent as ‘The Amazon’
setting up barrage
balloons on the roof of your house to interfere with deliveries by Amazon
e-book is short, so it's priced low at £1.15 / $1.93. (Also I don’t want this putting me in a
higher tax bracket.)
Voter apathy is bad, but logical in the British voting system. If your area is solid Tory or Labour and you support another party, it can seem rather pointless to vote, since the candidate with the most votes wins outright. They may only get 40% of the total, but whoever has the largest number of votes wins. This unfairness is why some people call for proportional representation instead. But that is very unappealing; we want our local MP.
The Grudge Voting system will square this circle.
Here's how it works: The candidate
with the most votes wins the seat, same as now. But their power in
Parliament for the next 5 years depends on what % of the votes they got. Take an MP who wins a seat with 60% of the vote.
In the current system they have 1 vote in Parliament. Under my system
they would only have 0.6 of a vote. And an MP who won with just a 35% share - which is not unusual - would in Parliament get only 0.35 of a
The power of the elected
MPs in Parliament would therefore directly reflect the amount support
they command in their constituencies.
That's fairness for you. And the beauty of the system
is that nobody's vote is now wasted. If you are a Labour voter living in a
solid Conservative constituency, it is worth going out to vote
Labour - your candidate won't win, but your vote directly helps to reduce
the Tory MP's power in the next parliament. Same thing if you are a Conservative voter
living in a solid Labour area. It's also worth voting for a minority
party; they won't get in, but now you can help to reduce the clout
of the winner.
Hence the title, the Grudge Voting system. It appeals to that deeply felt need to do the other side down. Just the ticket for alienated, fed-up Brits!
It’s odd that news stories about the
threatened extinction of the rhino focus on the poaching of rhinos and
smuggling of rhino horn, with pictures of dead rhinos and pieces of horn captured
while being smuggled through airport customs.It’s all about supply.
Meanwhile there is a strange silence in the media about the consumers of
rhino horn – men living in China, Indonesia, and elsewhere in the Far East. Presumably
the silence is because these countries have strong and growing economies, so we’re
not allowed to laugh at their medieval delusions.
And now, we hear, criminal gangs are involved in poaching
and smuggling.There’s a surprise.Any day now there will be complaints from
end-users that the powdered horn is being ‘cut’ with aspirin or chalk;and a dawn swoop on a rhino ‘farm’
in the suburbs of Beijing.
Meanwhile the answer to saving the rhino is staring us in
the face.Powdered Viagra tablets, dyed
the same colour as rhino horn, would make a perfect substitute.And better yet, they would actually do the
trick.The World Wildlife Fund could set
up a factory, label the packets ‘genuine rhino horn (substitute), guaranteed to work’ and
flood the Far East market with the stuff. Rhiagra, anyone?
1. It's desperate.
"Do you know Fred?" "Why not connect with Jim?" "You may know Bill..." These are just a few of the frequent, matchmaking-type pleas I get from Linked In. Stop trying to set me up with everyone, for Pete's sake!
2. It's creepy.
"Do you know who viewed your profile?" Well, that's sort of interesting - but hang on, it means that anyone I visit knows I've been taking a look at their page. Which means, dear Linked In, that I now actively avoid visiting other people's profiles.
3. It's clingy.
Like a movie psychopath, Linked In doesn't want you to leave. Try using the Back button to go back to the website you were on before you came there, and you'll see what I mean. Let go, Linked In!
4. It's trashy.
Every time I visit Linked In, it's promoting some piece of tabloid fluff - 10 ways to tell if your boss is an idiot, 6 things you should never throw at work, what 90% of people don't know about wombats - which I am idiotically drawn to, but wish I hadn't botherered.
5. It's pesky.
Linked In likes nothing better than finding new reasons to email me. First it was updates ('Jim's got a new job!'), then it was emails suggesting that some improbable company, most likely in Ratville, Ohio was looking for someone like me. Leave off already!
We're all getting fed up with social media. It's tired, it's lame, it's like a bloody kindergarten - will you be my Friend? Do you Like me? Can we Connect? If I Endorse you will you Endorse me back? BAH!
Time for anti-social media.
I see Twatter, where we upload our least-favourite celebrities and give them a Twatting. And there's a Hate All button to save time.
I want to get an email at 11.30pm from Drinked-In saying "Fred Smith hates you. Why not hate him back?" With some new suggestions: People who hate Fred Smith also hate...
Meanwhile on ArseBook we'll be telling each other where to shove it. And on Hate-mail too.
And everywhere, next to the Like button will be an Arse button to show our displeasure:
And t-shirts in the same vein:
Join me in the new world of Web 3.0 - where we tell it like it is!